I always thought that once I got married and my husband and I decided it was time to have a baby, I would get pregnant within a few months. I never imagined I would have trouble getting pregnant and I certainly never thought I would need the help of science and doctors.
I met with my endocrinologist last week and I was thinking that at this appointment I would be able to start talking about fertility treatments. To me and Kelly's extreme disappointment we were told to "wait a few more months." We have been trying to get pregnant since last February and to be brutally honest, I am so darn tired of waiting! I get the feeling that my doctors don't care that much about our desire to become pregnant.
It basically all comes down to the fact that: I am sad. It's hard to watch others around me get pregnant and take care of their young children. It's hard to go to church and listen to the other women talk about how holy they are because they had children so early in their marriage. It's hard to be so helpless in the situation.
I don't want people to get the idea that I hate the world and am mad at every person who has a child or hasn't had infertility issues. I just need to vent and I am tired of trying to constantly put on a happy face. Sometimes it's okay to be sad.
My patriarchal blessing says that I am going to be a mother so I know that I don't need to worry that we will never have children. I am anxious to know WHEN it will happen. Kelly and I have talked a lot about how we need to have a positive attitude. We are grateful that I am healthy and that we were blessed with talented doctors. We are grateful that we are happily married and that we have a great support system in each other. We have wonderful families who love us and have helped us through this trial.
Now that I have gotten that off of my chest I am going to go back to my positive attitude. I want stop planning the elements of my future that I can't control. I can't plan when I will get pregnant so I am going to live my life and when our baby comes, it will be amazing. I need to enjoy the stage of life I'm in and stop worrying so much.
4 comments:
Infertility does suck. You are a much better person than me. I didn't even try to be happy and I didn't like ANYONE who was pregnant around me. It is such the pits not to have control over getting pregnant. And it really is hard to be around pregnancy all the time when you can't get pregnant. And as far as someone being so holy because they had kids fast...well, thats dumb. I can't believe anyone would actually say that. Well, now I am mad and venting, sorry. I will be done. Really, I feel for what you are going through and if you ever have any questions just ask. I have been through it all.
Isn't it amazing how much patriarchal blessings can calm you when nothing else will? I know this whole matter is private but I appreciate you telling your story.
I remember having those bitter and jealous feelings. It will happen and we will all be excited when it does. We were married 3 years and trying all the time before I finally got pregnant. I hate to be patient!!! It must be good for us.
my britty, your future children will be some of the luckiest; a mother and father so willing and ready to want children is beautiful. i'm thinking of you during all of this and know that your plan to "live" until the blessed pregnancy occurs is something only a strong woman like you could do. as far as the "holy" young mothers, it's crap. from what i've always thought, holiness is not a competition. you and kelly will be rewarded for your patience one day, hopefully soon!
love you :)
Post a Comment